Well and Truly Browned Off.

Brown celebrated after another successful week! .

It says something for the current wretched state of British politics that part one of the Blair Years being shown on BBC 1, (for the next three sunday evenings) made one feel a warm glow of nostalgia.

The great Tony Blair only went this year. One can scarcely believe it, for it seems such an eternity. I believe that history will regard many of the Labour MP's who wanted Blair gone as absolute fools. Forcing him out when he had years to serve. Turkeys without bird flu voting for Christmas.

Brown has made a mockery of this blog site, by giving a great party conference speech, making us all believe, firing us up for an election that never was. Doing a fair impression of the grand old duke of york, marching us up to the top of the hill and back down again. Sadly, the Tories were right. He bottled it. This dawdling exercise in indecisiveness cost him his most important asset, credibility, which he had worked so hard for over the summer when dealing with floods, terrorism, foot & mouth etc etc.

Did Brown honestly believe when he stopped the election juggernaut that the British public would have voted for Cameron? If he did, then his judgment is seriously flawed. Although they have a sizeable poll lead now, I firmly believe Brown would have stuffed those Tories. The public like no nonsense politicians and they would have loved Brown taking Cameron on, after an admittingly successful speech for the Tory Leader. Infact, this was a golden opportunity for Brown to have brushed the Tories firmly aside

'Well done Dave, fine words. Now to serious matters, I need to get on with running the country, and for that I need a fresh mandate from the British People.....'

The media would have loved this, and I strongly suspect that the Murdoch press would not have jumped ship, they would have backed Brown, albeit with a warning about Europe. Brown would have got a 60-100 seat majority.

This botched decision from Brown has now caused his Government to virtually implode, with Labour rocked by crisis after crisis. Northern Rock, data protection crisis, immigration figures, the return of bird flu, crime statistics being massaged. The list is endless. The Government has lost its way due to losing its nerve so spectacularly. The air of crisis has made this new Government seems terminally tired after a supposed Brown new dawn.

If the economy continues to wobble, and eventually crashes, Labour will be trounced in 2009 /10 and returned to the opposition benches. Gordon, get on the phone to your onetime enemies, Alistair Campbell and Peter Mandelson and beg them to help you. These masters of the political game are sorely needed by team Brown. Go for a full relaunch now before its too late.

The thought of 'Call Me Dave' as Prime Minister is a nightmare. This would be a cataclysm for Britain. But on recent evidence, I'm not sure Brown is the answer. His angry attitude in PM's Question Time is un prime ministerial. Tony Blair was never once rattled by the opposition, whilst Brown looks like he will spontaneously combust at any moment.

For Godsakes, Gordon take some lessons from your predecessor and inject some wit into your exchanges. I despise Cameron's Tories but at the moment, Princess Dave is winning the parliamentary battle hands down.

I will always vote Labour to keep the Tories hopefully out, but I am no longer going to give my money to The Labour Party. I will not renew my membership in 2008. So adios then, after 15 years of membership. Disgruntled, disillusioned of Cricklade, Wilts.

The Haunted Tavern

Theresa May MP unveils her new look (or is it Regan from The Exorcist?)

Halloween is fast approaching, and as regular taverners and friends will know, I hold the horror genre in high regard. So let me take on the role of The Soberius Tavern crypt keeper and delve into my top five horror films of all time. Perhaps if you are feeling brave, and fancy some terror of the fictional variety as opposed to the many miseries of everyday life, you could watch a few of these as All Hallow's Eve approaches, or on the night, if you are uber-brave.... cackle cackle,sinister laugh, cackle.....

1.The Exorcist

I'm with Kermode on this. In my opinion this is the greatest horror film of all time. I cannot really explain why, as it's a humourless film, with some stodgy sections. However, it really captures an all pervading sense of evil like no other movie. It concerns the horrendous demonic possession of a little girl Regan by an evil demon, and eventual exorcism by a priest. Cue pea soup vomiting, masturbation with a crucifix,spinal taps (ouch!) and some really foul language. Shocking Stuff even now. Well Acted, with Linda Blair exceptional as Regan. Mike Oldfield's Tubular Bells adds to the nightmarish autumnal mood conjured up by director William Friedkin. Be sure to watch the Director's Cut, as this has the restored spider walk, a truly unsettling scene.

2.The Haunting (1963 version)

The greatest haunted house film ever. (although as I've mentioned before, Susan Hill's The Woman In Black on stage is the supreme winner of the horror genre). Robert Wise, of The Sound Of Music fame, directs this story of a group of psychic researchers who get more than they bargained for, when they investigate the haunting of Hill House. The house is a sprawling gothic mansion, and the stunning b/w photography makes it seem more like a living entity. You see virtually nothing but the sound is legendarily nightmarish. The less said about Jan De Bont's glossy remake, the better. Standout scene, who can forget the scene when one of the sleeping researchers finds her hand held by...something ghastly. They don't make horror films this good anymore.

3. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974 version)

The current dubious craze for Gorno/Torture Porn films has nothing on this masterpiece of 70's exploitation cinema which still makes me gasp on every viewing. Taking some ideas from the real life Ed Gein murders, this tells the story of a group of Scooby Doo-ish teenagers who trespass on a rural texas farm. The "close" family of cannibalistic murderers who live there, duly proceed to kidnap, torture and graphically murder nearly all of them. Of course, under Texas trespass laws, this would be barely breaking the law. Utterly relentless and incredibly violent, (although no gore is shown) this is for hardcore fans only. The image of Leatherface waving his chainsaw in the air is an enduring icon of horror cinema.

4. Don't Look Now

Artsy, and not to everybody's taste, this film from Nic Roeg is deeply disturbing. It even takes one of the world's most beautiful cities, Venice and makes it look like the stuff of nightmares. All dark alleways,cold canals and lonely corners. Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie excel as a couple who move to Venice to get over their daughter's horrific drowning death at home. It is there where the fragile Christie, befriends two downright disturbing sisters..one of whom is a medium. Meanwhile, Sutherland becomes obsessed with a red coated figure whom he thinks maybe the ghost of his daughter. The en famous 'did they do it really' sex scene is often commentated on. Most who turn into watch that entirely justified scene, cannot believe what a genuinely scary film this is. Timeless,Unique and devastating.

5.John Carpenter's The Fog (1980 version)

Compared to the other films mentioned, this is a lot more fun. The perfect film for Halloween,and in my view better than Carpenter's own Halloween. It's ghosts again but this time, they are of the murderous variety. A Clutch of long dead,leprous sea-men rise from the depths in a supernatural fog which rolls onto the small coastal town of Antonio Bay. They then hack and slash their way through the terrified townsfolk. A tad unfair, you might say, because these are only modern day descendants of the original townsfolk who they blame for their watery demise. A terrific dread filled Carpenter Score, great foggy atmosphere, jump scares aplenty and well used fleeting shots of gore and grue make this an undiscovered gem of 80's horror. Once again, avoid the B*ll*cks remake at all cost.

Just for the record, A top ten would include;

6. Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho

7.The Sixth Sense

8.The Shining

9.A Nightmare On Elm Street (1984)

10.Eli Roth's Hostel

Happy Halloween taverners, and as a rotting corpse version of Nick Ross might say, Do Have Nightmares.......

The Triumphant Return Of PJ Harvey

I had the good fortune to see PJ Harvey (above) live in concert at The Royal Festival Hall on Saturday night,29 September. This was the 8th time I have seen her live over the years and she did not disappoint.

For anyone not familiar with the Royal Festival Hall on southbank, it is a very poncey venue where music is treated with almost sombre formality i.e you cannot gain re-admittance to the arena from the toilets until there is a suitable break in the proceedings. Frustrating, when the tickets cost forty quid, and you have had a few beers before hand. Despite the enforced snobbery, it has got brilliant acoustics and I had a reasonable view in the rear stalls.

This was PJ's first London gig in four years, so the fans were rightly excited and she got a huge reception when the tiny singer appeared on the stage. She immediately startled the audience, because she didn't have her band with her, and was going to give a one woman show. Dressed in a strange almost bridal Victorian white dress, with crazy curls hairstyle, she treated the audience to a short set by her standards (1 hr 3o mins) but the musical virtuosity on display made this a very striking gig. There were no special effects, but this was so atmospheric.

She is almost like a female Prince, due to her mastery of many different instruments, Blues Guitar, Bass, Electric Guitar, Piano, Celtic Harp and drum machine were all used tonight.

Polly's new album "White Chalk" is once again, a change in direction. It is largely piano based and has an almost celtic beauty to it. Vastly different to her last discordant punky guitar rock album "Uh Huh Her'. We were treated to the whole of the new album and plenty from her vast back catalogue including brilliant raw versions of 'Mansize' and 'Rid Of Me'.

Surprisingly, it was the new material which really stood out tonight, the haunting beauty of title song 'White Chalk' almost bringing a tear to the eye. The other highlights were new song 'The Devil' which sees Polly's voice soar to quite ridiculous heights. Quite amazing. There was also a gutsy version of the intense 'Big Exit' from her mercury music winner 'Stories From The City..Stories from the Sea'. My favourite album from PJ.

Another thing that surprised me about the gig, was that Polly seemed to be really enjoying herself, she came across as quite a warm personality, as she bantered with the audience. Not something she usually does! She must really like her new material.

Some of the audience booed when there was not a second encore, obviously too much beer before hand, and cultural philistines to boot. You see this snobbery is catching!

I also heard some malcontents muttering that crowd pleasers 'Dress' or 'Sheela na Gig' were not played. These songs are classics but the event was not billed as a greatest hits show, so kindly shut up. With eight studio albums, nine if you count The John Parrish collaboration to her name, you cannot please all of the people, all of the time.

This was an unusual, special concert that I will remember for a long time. Welcome back Polly, you have been away far too long.

Go for it Gord!

Regular Taverners may well smile at this blog entry, but a week is a long time in politics, and three is an eternity. Of course, I could simply delete the critical, cynical entry I wrote on Gordon Brown, twenty days ago but that would smack of a Stalinist style airbrushing of history, which I do not currently subscribe to.

Gordon Brown single handily won me back to The Labour fold with a brilliant inspiring party conference speech. Surprisingly, Brown finally convinced me that Labour is a party worth staying in and fighting for. Any remaining bitterness by us Blairites, was finally erased yesterday. It is clear to anybody remotely interested in politics, that Brown is a very ruthless operator, machiavellian even (hence his involvement in the attempted coup of 2006) but yesterday, we finally saw the real,decent,caring Brown.

His tough no nonsense attitude as Prime Minister is clearly what Britain needs. Social decency harking back to his church upbringing, a new emphasis on personal responsibility, a tougher emphasis on tackling crime, and a refreshing candour and humility. The way he talked about how the NHS saved his sight was actually quite moving.

I used to love Tony Blair's electric showman conference speeches, but I thought Brown's 1st one as PM yesterday mightily impressive. It was free of rhetoric, free of Tory bashing but refreshing in its honesty. His attitude on world affairs, recalled the ethical foreign policy once championed by the late Robin Cook. It was good that he recommited Labour to being the champions of education and The NHS. Tony's Legacy safe in his hands. It was a great day to be a Labour Party member.

Who would have thought that after such a baptism for the new Prime Minister which included terrorism, floods, foot & mouth and Northern Rock that Labour would be in such a strong position. Full credit to Gordon again. With such strong poll ratings, and the refocus on tackling crime (which let's face it is out of control) this formidable new PM can help consign Cameron's hapless Tories to the dustbin of history.

When Brown finished his speech with "I won't let the British people down" - I was cheering. My interest in our countries' politics restored. Come on Gordon, make that election November 1st 2007. We will never have a better chance. I'm taking my red rosette out of my drawer, and placing it on my blazer in anticipation!

A Scandal In The Algarve

Surely Not the Head Of Portuguese Detection?

Perhaps this is too lightweight a forum to address such horrendous matters but this has got me really really mad, and presumably most other people from The United Kingdom. (Although there are of course, a few cretins out there saying there is no smoke without fire and siding with certain factions)

It is clear, there is a cover up being attempted by certain factions in Portugal, in trying to frame the McCanns. Heaven knows why, but this is what is happening. I have a great liking for the Portuguese people, having spent several excellent holidays there. I hope the ordinary Portuguese people make it clear that they are not willing to swallow this disgraceful scandal.

The devastation on Kate McCann's face, clutching her missing child's toy on the beach, looking like her life is forever destroyed is good enough for me. I will take that on face value, and so should any other sane person with a heart. Would a devout Catholic (and I am in no way religious) go and meet their spiritual leader, The Pope and ask for his prayers in finding her, if she was culpable? I think not.

Of course I could be wrong but I doubt it. The most ridiculous thing is that The Certain Factions are saying that the McCanns accidentally killed her and then covered it up. If there was a tragic accident, Surely a couple as affluent, clever and wealthy would have gone straight to the authorities and reported it. At the very least, they would have contacted the British Embassy in Portugal. Accidents can and do happen all the time, you do not immediately start acting like you are in a tawdry Hollywood movie.

This attitude of certain factions in wanting an open and shut case simply beggars belief. Creating a grotesque melodrama out of an appalling case is contemptable. And all the time the world looses focus on the only important thing, finding poor Madeleine.

Over to you, New Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith, say that the UK will not make the McCann's stand trial, and refuse extradition. This can no longer be tolerated. Have The McCann family not suffered enough?

Brown = The New Grey?

Gordon.....

Gordon again ?

Welcome back Taverners. Apologies for the long delay in Posts. I have not enjoyed the best of summers due to an intense bout of local difficulty. Infact, apart from an excellent trip to Greece and Cricket trips with the boys, it has been hellish. I have not felt much like blogging.

Well, what first to address...my view on The Brown Government and the current state of British politics in general. Okay, here goes....Yawn, Yawn and Yawn again.

Brown is doing an admirable job as PM and will win the next General Election. Regular readers of this blog, will know that I think Cameron is a first class twit. This summer, he has surpassed even my expectations. Utterly clueless, inept and vacuous. Dopey Dave, and his even worse party are doomed.

However for the first time in my life, I find it a real struggle to remain interested in politics. Boris Johnson running for Tory Candidate for London Mayor will be a fun sideshow but the main event is a non starter. Providing Darling doesn't bugger up the economy, the General Election is already won.

Brown and Co have rewound the clock and returned British politics to normal. Like it was pre Thatcher. Worthy but dull Bank Manager types running the country with even their obligatory liaisons dangerous conducted well away from the media glare. I hated Thatcher with an absolute passion, but at least, politics in the eighties was always incendiary and interesting. How can leaders such as calm and stable Brown, and clueless shallow Cameron fire up their foot soldiers? The struggle is in danger of dying.

In the light of Brown's succession to the political throne, it is clear how Labour and the country misses Tony Blair. His constant presence in the 24 hr media simply demanded your attention. Like him or loathe the man, nobody could deny his sheer power. It was sexy politics.

Compare and contrast Brown's first hundred days to Tony Blairs and you get what I mean. Haven't seen Noel Gallagher and the rest of the Cool Britannia hierarchy rushing in for Champagne, or even tea with Gordon have we? You would be lucky to get Compo, Clegg and Foggy in there, such is the nouveau boredom.

I'm not being glib. In the media age, politics has to be full on, in your face, all of the time. Labour was mad to force Blair out, and with hindsight, equally mad, not to have elected David Milliband as his successor.

Brown is like a decent, competent version of John Major, he does the job, but does not, and will not, ever truly inspire like Blair did. I like Brown, and have confidence in him. He just has not got the vision thing. As any media savvy person will tell you, this is crucial for any political leader.

As for Labour itself, I still strongly believe in the principles of democratic socialism, its just that I find the political system within the party hard to stomach. Electing Harman as deputy when she bashed Blair countless times to get elected, was a watershed moment for me. Fairplay to Gordon for keeping her in her place. Maybe I have been a bit hard on him....

Although I will always, always vote Labour. I cannot confirm that I will remain a party member beyond my current subscription. Politics is no longer sexy for me. Time to move on.

Bird Spotting at Lords

A Bird At Lords......

Another Bird at Lords.....

One of the great highlights of the year for me is attending Test Matches with my university friends, Matthew Howard and Steve Mulholland. As well as the joy of watching the Cricket, it is very much a social occasion. We usually go in nice clobber, drink plenty, usually far too much, and Matt, Winchmore Hill's answer to Jamie Oliver, provides an excellent lunch. On Saturday, he surpassed himself with a mouthwateringly tasty Indian Banquet. This was to celebrate the fact that England were hosting India.

In the morning session, we saw England bowl India out in scintillating form. James Anderson, finally giving a great performance for his country with a five wicket haul, and getting his name on the board at Lords. Ryan Sidebottom and him were magnificent to watch. The sun was even out.

Sadly during the aforementioned lunch, the heavens opened. The dreaded rains came down and deprived us of around half the play, we had payed to see. The monsoon like conditions, this summer have been similar to my disposition of late. However, we didn't let it dampen the party, Lords were selling Cobra lager as well as Pimms -hurrah!.

We also had the great fortune to bump into the legendary umpire, and national treasure, Dickie Bird, who kindly posed for the above picture, with your landlord. What a legend that man is. His last test was eleven years ago, also England Vs India at Lords. Who could forget those emotional scenes when both teams gave him a guard of honour, as he made his way onto the pitch. There was not a dry eye in the ground. If you say the word umpire to any cricket fan of any age today, the first thing they will say or think of, is Dickie Bird. Quite a feat, if you think about it.

We do it all again in three weekends time, at the Oval. Hopefully it might have stopped raining by then. Although I would not bet on it. Noah might have to get involved in the boat building business again if this continues.

Pimm's 'n' Maria

Maria Sharapova - In No Way Touched By The Ugly Stick

One year ago, The Soberius Tavern was launched. In my first blog entries, I talked of Henman bravely going out of Wimbledon, and Maria Sharapova brightening up a miserable summer. There seemed little point in discussing the men's competition, when Roger Federer is the draw. The only person who could beat him was the terminally angry looking Nadal, and grass is not his surface.

Not a lot has changed has it? Deja-vu or what. Henman did do much better than last year, beating Moya in a five set classic, but then succumbing to Lopez in another five set thriller. Which leaves my interest, once more at the door of the stunning Russian.

Before the rains came down again today, The current US Open champion Sharapova sent the talented Japanese player Ayi Sugiyami out in two sets, and seventy minutes. Bizarrely, they nearly went off for rain at matchpoint. Sharapova was also inspired against Bremond earlier in the week.

I just love watching her play, the clenched fist, the shout of "come on" when she is doing well, the body, the grunt, the dress, the face. Awesome.

In interviews, she always comes across as being an intelligent and decent human being. She has it all. No wonder she is the world's highest paid sportswoman.

Despite the ongoing monsoon, the thought of watching Maria all week, between deluges should help the Pimms go down well at the very least. Keep those decibels high Maria, and get that second Wimbledon title. It's the only thing that's keeping me remotely sane in this rain. Happy Birthday blog.

Heroes!

Tim

Tony

As one great British hero, The Prime Minister Tony Blair, prepares to leave the stage this week. It is great to see another British hero of the same era, Tim Henman performing magnificently at Wimbledon 2007 (hopefully not his final swansong though).

Despite being 32, considered old in tennis circles and in patchy form, Henman lifted the monsoon gloom last night by giving the nation one more thriller. The kind of match that has made us breathless for more than ten years.

Playing the former World Number 1, Carlos Moya in the temporarily exposed Centre Court, Henman won the first set after a rain delay. Much to the horror of those gathered on his hill, Henman then lost the next two sets. The roller coaster had begun again in SW19. Henman then won the fourth set. Only Ashes cricket compares for sheer drama. In an incredible fifth set, Henman came back from certain defeat at 4-2 to go ahead 5-4. I was jumping around, and shouting like I had done, ever since Henman beat Kafelnikov in 1996. Henman then had four, yes four, match points before the talented Moya levelled at 5-5.

Due to it being 21.18 and dark, both players then chose to go off. Henmania continues into a second day. Can the heart take it? It was superlative stuff and shows why Wimbledon is still the UK's finest sporting event.

Whatever the result of the match tomorrow, Henman has done his country proud over the years just like The PM.

C'mon Tim tomorrow. And how about Sir Tim Henman in the not too distant future?

The Joys Of Stadium Rawk

New Wembley Stadium - Saturday 16th June

Guitar Maestro Matt Bellamy in action at the above

I first saw the rock band Muse play in 2000 at the tiny Astoria venue in London, with a then unknown support act Coldplay who were woeful. I knew that Muse were something special instantly. Their debut album 'Showbiz' was awesome, full of killer guitar riffs on tracks such as Cave and Uno. Plus, their ballads were equally powerful. It annoyed me that when Muse first become famous, some idiots in the music press labelled them a Radiohead tribute act.

B*llocks to that, I have always referred to Radiohead as a poor man's Muse. Name one Radiohead song as good as Sunburn, or The Knights Of Cydonia and I'll eat my musical hat. And isn't Thom Yorke, a pretentious git as well.

Since the Astoria gig, Muse now have five albums to their name, and have a massive following. I have seen them live several times. On Saturday night, they blew me away again, but in spectacular style. Headlining their own festival at the spectacular new Wembley Stadium (the first of two consecutive sellout dates). Wembley Stadium from the outside looks so impressive, it gives you goosebumps as you approach it. Muse were supposed to be the inaugural band to play the stadium, but the odious and frankly rubbish, George Michael sneaked in the week before. He did not even have the courtesy to bring along Andrew Ridgeley.

Being a keen muso, I have seen several big gigs over the years at venues such as Earl's Court and Wembley Arena. I have also attended plenty of festivals, but I had not done the stadium-rawk thing before. For example, buying twenty quid T shirts, six quid Burgers and watching a band from outer space. Sadly there was some truth to this, instead of being down with the "kids" on the pitch, we had been secretly sold seated tickets up in the gods, miles from the action. It is a good job, I don't suffer with vertigo. Muse, despite giant TV screens looked like subeteo figures. Which made me wonder, why would football fans buy tickets for a venue like this, how the hell would you see the ball?

Despite this disappointment, and being a little too inebriated before the gig (7 hours solid drinking infact.) I thought Muse were exceptional. I would go as far to say that this was one of the greatest rock concerts ever staged in the United Kingdom. The pyrotechnics and light show outdid U2 as their most grandiose and the sound of the band was thunderous. Dominic Howard's drumming being particularly dramatic.

Matt Bellamy is probably the greatest rock guitarist in the world at the moment, and it showed as he played brilliant live versions of New-Born, Plug In Baby, and Supermassive Blackhole. He even chucked in a great fun cover of The Shadows' (yes, Cliff Richard's backing band!) Man of Mystery. It was all pompous, intense and special. Who could forget the wonderful version of piano classic Unintended which spellbound the whole audience, with mobile phones replacing lighters in these non smoking times. Matt's falsetto voice is startling and wondrous when combined with Chris Wolstenholme's storming basslines. What is it about three piece bands, why are they always better than bigger outfits?

Due to the distance away from the stage, I missed out on a lot of the theatrics and special effects, which the press have acclaimed this week. I could just make out the bizarre set of satellites, huge balloons 'ala rover from the prisoner' and huge platforms all over the place. The sheer class of the music wowed me, despite the detachment factor. The encore of Micro Cuts (my favourite Muse track) and Stockholm Syndrome, got my 2 mad drinking buddies and me moshing around like lunatics which was quite a feat considering how high up were were.

The west country band are at the top of their game, and I cannot wait to see them live again. But how do Muse top Wembley? I somehow doubt it will be a return to the Astoria. Stadium rawk will be the only way of seeing them now, which although great for them, is quite sad for fans who have followed them from the beginning.

More live music for me tomorrow, another three piece, The Fratellis, at Swindon Oasis.

Swindon Oasis? don't laugh.

If Harman Wins...Will The Last Member To Leave The Labour Party, Please Turn Off The Lights!

As an enthusiastic Labour Party member, I am looking forward to receiving my ballot papers to vote in The Labour Deputy Leadership election. The party of course needed a proper leadership election for the top job. Brown needed to be taken on fiercely, solely for the sake of democracy if nothing else. Despite Brown's scandalous disloyalty to Tony Blair over the years, I have warmed to him recently, and would have 99% voted Brown anyway, but it would not have done Brown any harm to have seen a heavyweight challenge. David Milliband, Alan Milburn or John Reid would have done the party a service by standing. A really big debate was needed.

There was however a really good substitute debate on Newsnight last night (29th May) when the increasingly comical Jeremy Paxman interviewed all six candidates for the Deputy Post. All candidates debated against each other, and there were signs of acrimony to come.

I learned one thing from watching the debate. I will now vote for the candidate who has the best chance of stopping Harriet Harman.

Harman's vicious verbal behaviour last night, left an ugly taste in the mouth. It was more like watching Medusa (pictured above) from Clash Of The Titans, rather than the usual cosy preachy persona she has presented to the public over the years. In a desperate and unhinged attempt at grabbing power, she used every opportunity to rubbish Tony Blair and New Labour, when wasn't she originally an arch moderniser. Emperor's New Clothes, Harriet. It will not wash.

Harman was particularly vocal over Iraq. It's funny, I do not remember her saying much about this, when the Late Robin Cook took his principled stand. Her argument that if she had known there were no WMD, then she would not have backed the war, smacked of glib opportunism. Hazel Blears correctly informed her, that if the Government had known that, then the war motion would not have even gone before the house.

Harman seems to believe the ludicrous populist nonsense, that Blair went to war solely out of of poodle like loyalty to George Bush. Come on Harriet, do not believe everything you read in the papers.

All those appeasers in this country, including Harriet must realise that Saddam was a genocidal madman. Look up the poison gas attack of Halabja, on the web, if you cannot remember. After reading of such atrocity, we must then, be rightly proud that Britain helped topple him. Harriet's cynical stance on Iraq was just one example from an overly aggressive performance that really offended me.

It looked manufactured, and a touch desperate. Trying to win over leftist pacifist CND badge wearers who left the party over the war, and get attention grabbing headlines from anti Blair newspapers who worship Cameron. She even managed to woo over the left's official candidate Jon Cruddas on the programme. What are excellent Labour people such as The Kinnocks doing, backing such a crude campaign.

As for whom I would like to see win, on the strength of the Newsnight hustings, I thought Hilary Benn was really excellent. He inspired with his emphasis on social justice, fighting poverty and using the role of deputy leader to re-engage with the whole movement. His serious no nonsense approach could be a real asset to Team Brown, in the fight against the lightweight and gimmicky notting hill Tories.

Id like to vote for Hilary, if he has enough support to stop Harman. If the polls suggest this, then I will do so. Otherwise, my cross will go to Blears, Hain, Johnson or even Cruddas (in that order).

Medusa must be stopped.

A Ray Of Sunshine

I have been humming "Sunny Afternoon", all week which is surprising, as its been hammering down with rain. Typical isn't it? when the first Test of the summer is looming large, this very Thursday.

On May 10, I saw the song's author, Ray Davies play The Royal Albert Hall, London. I have watched this musical legend play live seven times over the last decade, and he never gives a disappointing show.

If you wonder why your young correspondent, i,e not of the baby boomer generation, is such a fan, I got into The Kinks via listening to Blur, in the Britpop explosion of the 1990's. Blur were obviously big fans or big plagiarists, if you are less charitable than myself.

The Kinks front man and father of Brit-pop has to be seen live. Ray's stage show could go down as the ideal way to construct a concert. All the Kinks classics including the song that contains the very first heavy metal riff, "You Really Got Me" get an airing. Some rarer Kinks songs like 'Celluloid Heroes' add to the atmosphere for the hardcore fans. Due to the celebratory tone, Ray can even get away with adding some of his new solo songs, which are actually very good. There are also plenty of anecdotes about his Kinks heyday and much banter with the audience.

It is a great night out and shows why he should be regarded as Britain's greatest songwriter. What about Paul McCartney I hear you cry. 'Pullmycock off' more like, as Ray Davies affectionately refers to him in his autobiography, XRay. The Beatles are good, but a poor man's Kinks as every sensible britpopper should realise. Name one Beatles song that is better than "Waterloo Sunset" if you do not agree.

The version of Days, he played on Thursday was particularly memorable. He sings the first part without accompaniment and it is incredibly beautiful. Also played was '20th Century Man' a quite extraordinary track off one of my favourite albums 'The Muswell Hillbillies'.

This Kinks album from November 1971, is just ripe for rediscovery like their Village Green Preservation Society album was a few years ago. There are no hits on it, just some awesome unusual songs. Some of which sound more like Bob Dylan style folk music rather than the moddish pop sound they are known for. The Themes covered on it are different as well. Davies is in angry mood, writing about Alcoholism, The complicated nature of life, regeneration of post war London. A Scathing dislike of bureaucracy also comes across in the song 'Here Come the People in Gray'.

In typical quirky style, the mood is lightened with songs about Tea, and the joys of English Holidays. Years before Mr Albarn and Co, sung about similar such parochial matters on their rather good albums, Parklife and The Great Escape. Unlike Parklife, this CD is rarely seen in record shops, but you can buy it for a very reasonable price on Amazon.com.

One other thing about Ray Davies concerts, is their sheer length. No wonder, he always has an interval. Ray always plays over two hours and gives more than one encore. Good to see one artiste who does not treat his fans with contempt.

Sometimes, his gigs are cancelled due to recurrent ill health issues relating to getting shot, in New Orleans earlier this decade, but he always reschedules the gigs. That Sun headline still raises a smile, due its bad taste, 'You Really Shot Me'. Ray Davies of course, hates it.

Wouldn't it be good if the rumours turn out to be true, and that the Kinks reform next year. Current guitar bands like The Artic Monkies and Razorlight seem so very poor in comparison to Ray and Dave Davies. Where are today's songwriters to match such talent?

It's not Bloody Cricket. Bring him back!

Whilst fully appreciating that a new broom will want to do things his 'way'. I think the English Cricket Selectors including new coach Peter Moores have not got off to a good start. It's high time that David Graveney is forced to walk the plank for a series of bad selection decisions that just seem designed to annoy the fans.

Dropping Paul Nixon (pictured above) from his role as English Wicket Keeper straight away is simply absurd. His heroic batting against the West Indies in the final match of the World Cup was brilliant to see. In nearly every match, from when selected (in the Commonwealth bank series) he gave his all to his batting as well as keeping wicket. He also deserves full credit for keeping everybody's spirits up during a very difficult time in English Cricket.

Who could forget Nixon facing the Aussies for the first time, and telling everybody that "Gilchrist was going to nick it". Great confidence and great sledging. England so badly need a character like this, behind the wicket to get the team going. The ticket buying public have also taken him to their hearts, it was brilliant when Nixon jumped in the barmy army crowd after winning the commonwealth bank series, against the odds.

I don't know much about Matt Prior, the Sussex player chosen to replace him, he may or may not be England's long term answer to the wicket keeping role which has never been the sole property of anyone since Alec Stewart. Despite this dilemma, I do think Nixon was owed the first test of the summer as a reward for his endeavours in the Caribbean.

The haste to remove Nixon, shows that the ECB have not learnt from the age-ist attitudes that have cost the team dear of late. Leaving out Mark Ramprakash, who was in magnificent form last summer because he was considered too old was one such mistake. Who could also forget their shameful treatment of Mark Butcher, and the great bowler, Andrew Caddick. So what if Nixon is in his thirties, if he is playing well, keep him in! .

Still, looking on the bright side, at least the woeful Sajid Mahmood has been dropped. Hopefully, his England shirt will be sent to Room 101, never to be worn again. Arguably, the worst player to have ever played for England.

Come on Moores, correct your mistake and bring back Nixon for the Headingly Test.

This Cult Hero should be allowed the chance to show what he can do in the Test arena.

Terror In Bath.....

I have always loved horror films, television and novels ever since I was little. While some boys preferred Cars, and Football, I was into Dracula, Frankenstein and anything else macabre I could gleefully consume. Much to the annoyance of my family, it has to be said.

I particularly enjoy a good Ghost story, probably because they are always at the classy end of the genre and have a proud literary tradition. Gathered around the fireside on Christmas Eve, to hear the terrifying words of M.R. James as the mist gathers outside. Marvellous.

Last night, I had the great fortune to watch "The Woman In Black" on stage at The Theatre Royal, Bath. I have seen this play three times in the last two decades, and it never fails to bloody terrify. This wonderful play is based on Susan Hill's chilling novel, and I would rate it as the finest example of the Ghost-Story genre, bar none.

The late Stephen Mallatratt who adapted the story for the stage, achieved something rare, actually improving on a great book which is probably a first.

I will not spoil the twists,turns and horror of the piece, because you have to experience it live, so just a brief taste...

It tells of a young junior lawyer who is sent to the creepy town of Crythin Gifford, to attend the funeral of a client and to settle her remaining affairs. It is there, where he nearly looses his sanity by staying in the client's remote and very haunted house. It lies in the middle of tidal marsh land which is cut off at certain points of the day. During his time there, he encounters the dreadful phantom of The Woman In Black. Although unusually for the genre, the haunting is not confined to the house. That is Susan Hill's basic story, but those concerned, bring it to life on stage in quite a unique way.

The Lawyer in question, hires an actor to act out his nightmarish story, to get rid of his nightmares and what we effectively see is their rehearsal/reconstruction. This allows for some surprising humour, as the two men interact. The play only stars two people ala Anthony Shaffer's Sleuth and both actors were sensational in demanding roles. There is also a really sad sense of tragedy to the piece that plays on the mind, long after.

The terrifying tale is bought to life on a minimalist set, but there is some terrific use of sound effects, and visual trickery. If you don't like 'jump scares' like the head in the boat scene of Jaws, this is probably best avoided....you have been warned.

There were a lot of teenage girls, and young women in the theatre last night, and the shrieking coming from the aisles was akin to being at a Beatles concert. But they were not fooling about, just utterly freaked out by a wonderfully realised piece of theatre. Although they made a hell of a lot of noise in the right places, I did not hear one silly comment or mobile phone going off. It was as if they were transfixed by it's power. Quite something in the age of Hollywood Blockbusters, Ipods and DVD.

One girl was actually in tears outside the theatre, saying it was "too horrible" but you do not see one lopped off limb or spurt of blood in the whole two hours duration.

I would rate this play as one of the most frightening entertainments of all time. Freddy Kruger, Jason, Pinhead and Hannibal Lecter, all seem like horror lightweights compared to Susan Hill's Woman In Black.

If you too, would like to be reduced to a quivering wreck, the play is in permanent residence at The Fortune Theatre, London.

Ten Years of Tony

Ten years of Tony Blair today as Prime Minister. Yes, there have been some controversies. Yes ,The Labour Party has not been whiter than white, and Yes, the Iraq War was hugely divisive (but still the correct, only option in my opinion). However, I still think Tony Blair has been an amazing, inspirational leader for our country. A Very Great man indeed.

Yesterdays Independent said in their poll, that most would remember him for Iraq, but despite this, 65% of those polled, also said he would be remembered as a good PM. Staggeringly, 45% of Tory voters also said he was a good PM. This is quite something considering the level of ugly vitriol thrown at him on a daily basis by the disgusting Tory press.

The only real mistake of his tenure was commited on Thursday 30th September 2004 when he said he would not contest the 2009/10 General Election. This was a monumental error of judgement. It allowed the Brownites to dominate the agenda, effectively holding the Government to ransom on a regular basis, and causing trouble in the media for maximum destabilisation.

If Tony had vowed to stay and fight the next General Election, I think the British people would have given him another term. As an intelligent people, we do not vote out proven winners. Imagine Blair vs "call me" Dave Cameron during a General Election campaign and you know who the smart money would be on.

However, when the great man announces the timetable of his departure (probably next week), Gordon Brown will have to take note. The sometimes dour Scot has to sharpen up his act, and take the fight to the odious media dahling Cameron, and his ghastly band. Woo back Middle England with a new-New Labour agenda.

Tony Blair put billions into health & education. He also won Labour, three elections in a row,destroying four Tory leaders in the process, Major, Hague, IDS, and Michael Howard.
Over to you Gordon, up the fight against the Tories. Get your "team" to use the same energy, they employed against our great Prime Minister, and we just might save our country from the nightmare of a Tory government.

To all you pious Lefties, who have left the Labour movement over Iraq, just imagine the nightmare alternative reality of John Major having won the 1997 Election. The utter disaster of no minimum wage, no huge investment in health & education, and no stable economy either. Add together, anti european-ness and prejudice running rampant, and no Trade Union rights and you have a horrible nightmare.

All people of the left have to forget about Iraq, and wipe the slate clean. Look back over the whole Blair decade and rejoice, rejoice, rejoice - Tony, you made us so proud to be British.

Get back on side, fall in line and vote Labour as a tribute to our great departing Prime Minister, hopefully averting a blue nightmare in the process. Carpe-Diem Gordo!

Mekon Hague Wrong Again !

Why has there been all this fuss about the freed Army captives receiving payments for their stories from the media?

I have never heard anything so stupid. The ordeal of being captured and imprisoned by a rogue country like Iran must have been terrifying. Why should these ordinary soldiers not try and make some money out of it, providing the official secret act has not been breached, etc etc .

What amazed me more was the sight of the Shadow Foreign Secretary, and former Conservative Leader, William Hague on all of the Easter Sunday News programmes, jumping up and down with mock fury over the issue. He even had the audacity to say that their behaviour had demeaned the army and Britain.

This makes me chuckle, such hypocrisy is hilarious. This comes from a man who has the highest salary in Parliament. It was once rumoured to be a whopping Million a year but is now a mere 400,000. This vast sum comes from directorships, consultancies and speeches, as well as his MP's salary. He also gets extra money from his TV appearances and got between five thousand and ten thousand for making a fool of himself on 'Have I Got News For You' .

So its okay for The Mekon, to packet extra money from making a speech or two, which is surely part of his job, and he is content to receive payment for playing the clown. But it's not ok for soldiers to make money from a genuine ordeal, telling the Nation about something they would be very interested in at the same time.

Once again, the hypocrisy and double standards at the heart of The Conservative Party, has been exposed for all to see.

I would like to make it quite clear that in no way have I been paid for this blog-entry (Although any donation would of course be most welcome...)

Part of The Legend !

Once again Cricket fans have been let down. Not by "Sir" Freddie Flintoff and co,but by the pathetic English media who seem to have nothing better to do than report on hi-jinks and then turn such trivia into a full blown scandal. Has David Norrie and his ilk at the News Of The World, never heard of the expression "What goes on, on tour, stays on tour".

Of course he has not, he is not a gentleman. Young men in their twenties and thirties on tour, in the beautiful Carribean, having a few too many beers and staying up too late. Surprise Bloody Surprise. I would be more shocked if they were tucked up in bed and adhering to the curfew.

Of course, Flintoff is a role model due to his staggering cricketing talent, and it was not wise of him to go anywhere near the water if half-cut, this is extremely silly and dangerous. However, the man is human and will make mistakes, the same as we all can.

If England's beery antics affect their performance on the pitch, that is another matter entirely, it is a World Cup after all.

Anybody sane, should not begrudge the boys a few beers, although it would surely be wiser to party after a victory rather than a defeat.

By demonising Flintoff, the media seems to be saying they want their sportsmen whiter and whiter - they are not politicians. Cricket is much more fun with characters like Flintoff, and Paul Nixon, and Botham and Tuffnell before them.

Banning Freddie from any game was a pathetic move, and only did English Cricket damage, but removing the vice captaincy from him is no bad thing. It means he can now concentrate on getting his batting and bowling back to the incredible level of the 2005 Ashes series.

Who will ever forget him whacking sixes, all over Edgbaston in the second test, and then demolishing the Aussies with the ball. In that test, he made 141 runs and took six wickets. The series of course went to England, and the media labelled the series "Flintoff''s Ashes".

The same such media, who loved Freddie looking worse for wear, on the celebration tour around London in September 2005, should now show some bloody loyalty and get off his back. His antics are part and parcel of the legend.

Come on Freddie, get a century against Kenya on saturday, and silence the b*stards.

Spot The Difference

PINGU

PINGU (2nd to the left,standing) and Family

I cannot see why Tory Central Office has had the above picture banned. All children love Pingu.

Of course, the official line is that Gillman and Soame, the owners of the picture have had it withdrawn. The words "Lent" and "Upon" spring readily to mind.

As I have no wish to be thrown in prison, fined, or done away with by any future Consersative administration, I wish to declare that The Bullingdon Club picture is not the genuine article. It is an artistic impression taken from the BBC Newsnight website.

The Tories seem to have compleatly lost their marbles over this one. This sort of censorship is common in place in Robert Mugabe's Zimbabwe and communist China but surely not in Great Britain! . Call Me Dave gets scarier by the day.

Whats this I hear coming along my drive, surely not an army of jackbooted secret police penguins. Lead by Minister For Justice, Boris Johnson (3rd,to the right sat down) out to silence me!

Do not let this happen,stop the Notting Hill Nazi's and vote Labour in 2009.

Vile

Maybe, it is because Ì was bought up properly by my parents, that I have always loathed hunting animals for sport. The idea of killing animals for pleasure is repugnant to me, although I am no soft touch with regard to animal welfare. I love my meat, Chicken, Beef, Pork, Lamb - love it all. I accept that there is almost certainly a lot of animal mistreatment that goes on before I get my Sunday Roast or Chicken Madras. The human race have always been carnivores and you have to accept this. I also reluctantly accept that some animals have to be used in medical research. I would willingly sacrifice a few babboons, if it meant a cure for Cancer was closer, for example.

But the idea of hunting an animal, (like that beautiful dear pictured above) to death for pleasure, should disgust any decent human being. The idea of chasing a fox, with a pack of hounds, till it is exhausted, and then ripping it to shreds brings me to tears, just thinking about it. This is why it is a disgrace that my party, The Labour Party, has not properly enforced it's own ban. Labour should have announced very strict penalties for breaking the ban.

Minister's timidity when faced with the hunting elite, got the better of them. The wax jacket wearing countryside scum who hunt, never vote Labour anyway, and we should have said to hell with them. It was brilliant that we banned it. Why have we not properly enforced it?

It has been revealed in the Sunday papers, that our friend Dave Cameron is not only a keen supporter of fox hunting, but is also a keen deer hunter himself. I thought his spin-doctors would have buried this information long ago, but i'm glad it is in the public domain. The image of a man who likes to blow the heads off of poor defenceless animals for fun, does not sit with his hug a hoodie, call me Dave persona. The genuinely evil people in The C*ntryside Alliance will love him even more of course, which is good news for Labour.

Come on Gordon Brown, awake from your winter hibernation and smell the political coffee. Use this to your advantage and announce that your first home secretary will tighten up the law on hunting, and consign this barbarism to the dustbin of history. Any so called animal lover, tempted to vote Tory, needs to know that they are voting for a man who likes to slaughter animals for his own pleasure. The mask of surburban normality has finally slipped from Cameron's smug face. We are getting the true measure of him, and it is an increasingly vile portrait.

Dave Cameron's Conservative Camberwell Carrot

I have no problem with Dopey Dave Cameron smoking pot at Eton and Oxford. I also have no problem with someone who has had youthful and not so youthful soft drug experiences becoming Prime Minister. It never did President Clinton any harm, inhaler or non-inhaler as which ever the case may be.

Essay Crisis, Lectures and Angst are enough to drive even the most respectable of students, either to the bar, or the nearest drug dealer with purple hair. Or both, if you studied at Anglia University in the nineties.

But something of the way, Cameron treats this important issue rankles me. His passing off of his own drug experiences needs closer examination, beyond the Westminster world. Cameron admits he was still doing Cannabis at university. You know your own mind at this age, and you know the reason you do it, is to get off your face. There is nothing terribly wrong with occasional excess. Does Cameron think the british public is silly enough to think that he did drugs for any other reason than pleasure. I doubt he took a joint and started writing down the effects, ala Aldous Huxley. Come on Dave, pull the other one.

Its fun to live the "Withnail & I" existence once in your life, even though Cameron probably soathed his throat with Champagne afterwards, rather than Sainsburys Blue Label Lager.

However, if the rumours doing the rounds, prove to be true, that it might have "snowed" for the future leader in the eighties, this is of course much more serious. Everybody knows that Class A Drugs are responsible for a lot of inner city crime, and massive social problems. Doing Class A Drugs when you were an aspiring politician is harder to shrug off, than sitting in a garage, listening to the Doors, with a spliff. Considering the current gun problems in London, Cameron's position would be untenable, if it emerges he was involved with the yuppie drugs scene.

Imagine Thatcher injecting heroin, or John Major dropping LSD, and you get the picture. This might not be total fantasy, considering that Major bonked Edwina Currie. But the Tories could not accept a leader who had snorted Cocaine, could they?

I think what Cameron is saying when he uses the word "experimentation" is that its okay for his ilk, the wealthy young to indulge in drugs, because if it gets too much, Mummy and Daddy can bale them out. They will be removed from Oxford or Eton and placed in Rehab. After all, a word in the correct ear, will always get them back in. The rich have always taken this view, just look at the amount of aristocratic druggies that have filled up private clinics. The Blandfords & The Palmer-Tompkinson's of this world, you know the score.

For Cameron to publicly endorse this attitude has been his biggest mistake. It is just so patronising. Tell this to the mothers and fathers in our inner cities who watch their young turn from Cannabis to Ecstasy & Coke, and then onto Crack. They then need guns to help them get their fix. There is no way on earth, that these type of poorer parents can help "sort out" their children's experimentation is there?

At the end of the day, Cannabis is as harmful as Beer and I am not totally convinced that it is a gateway drug. But Call me Dave Cameron should watch what he says about "experimentation" - he could soon find himself hoisted by his own petard. The parents of Middle England, might well start to warm to a safe dour family Scotsman, from a religious background, rather than someone who is light-hearted, and less than candid on the critical issue of drugs.

A Lifestyle Choice

Apologies to regular readers of The Soberius Tavern, your dutiful and hospitable landlord has been otherwise busy. I promise a return to speed shortly as there is much to address. Anyway to business.

It is exactly a year since Belle & Sebastian's The Life Pursuit came out on CD, and I am still playing it on an almost daily basis. For those who do not own a copy, I say get down to your nearest emporium and purchase immediately.

It is one of those rare albums that can always bring a smile to the face. Making the listener think it is summer, even when outside, it is the middle of winter. As a result, it is constantly on my CD player. (only Sonya Madan's sublime Echobelly have been spent more time on my trusted turntable over the last year, and i have been into them for over twelve years).

Stuart Murdoch' s songwriting is always witty and interesting, and the tunes themselves are just so beautiful. I defy anyone not to listen "Another Sunny Day" and not instantly replay this gorgeous melody. Or take "Sukie In The Graveyard" - I defy anybody not to be humming this one for days to come.

Some critics say that Belle & Sebastian are twee, but who gives a damn. I would rather have beautiful tunes rather than the brash swagger of over-hyped nonsense such as Babyshambles and The Killers.

There is a place for eccentricity, and I far prefer the genuinely unusual B&S to the current vogue for new torchlight singer-songwriters such as the terminally dire James Blunt, and the great Satan himself, Ray "I've been Saved by A Woman" LaMontagne. If I ever meet the woman in question, I will not be responsible for my actions.

The Life Pursuit has great guitar tunes, motown-esque ballads, blow up style pop and quite wonderful use of the piano. There is not a single bad track on it (rather like another scottish band , The Fratelli's album Costello Music which is also superb - I may talk about them at a later date)

So keep the forthcoming february blues at bay, and treat yourself to The Life Pursuit. It should if you are in any way serious about music, already be "A Way of life" . It can be be acquired on Play.com for a very reasonable £7.99.

Porridge For Fletcher?

Typical isn't it of our moronic football obssessed newspapers, that they have gone to town on the England Cricket Team for losing the Ashes 5-0. Until England's 2005 Ashes truimph they did not give a flying fig for the game. Non Cricket fans jumping on the bandwagon and putting the boot in, really infuriates me when they have no understanding or love for the game.

We lost a series spectacularly, but this does not detract from our memorable achievement in 2005 when I was there to witness England lift the Ashes at the Oval (Thanks again, to my good friend Steve Mulholland who got us tickets) after eighteen years. I also fondly remember our triumphs against every other World Cricket team during the Hussain-Vaughan era.

People in this country, have to start remembering that sport is sport, and that it is perfectly plausible you can lose whilst playing it. Rudyard Kipling famously said "If you can meet with truimph and disaster and treat those two imposters just the same" -wonderful advice for Sir Freddy Flintoff who looked so gutted after the Urn went back. Obviously, it was great to applaud our boys during that magnificient summer of 05, but we should not go to pieces, just because we have had one bad tour in Australia. We were up against the number one team in the world, who were rejuvenated and revenge hungry. Lets face it, Stuart Clark's bowling would terrify any batting attack in the world, it is just unfortunate that we had to find that out first.

The cretins in the press calling for coach Fletcher to be imprisoned, sectioned, sacked, birched or worse, when he returns to blighty, have clearly lost the plot. This was a man who helped us get back the Ashes against the weight of history, yes, he has made some mistakes in Australia, but surely he is allowed one major slip up, before being turfed out of his job. He must be allowed to help strengthen, this demoralised England side before this summer's test cricket against the Windies and India. Fletcher still has to work to do and should not yet be sent to the cricketing crimes wing of Slade Prison.

A Team that had already lost Vaughan, our inspirational captain, and the excellent bowler Simon Jones were clearly goint to struggle. Trescothick going home early was clearly inviting trouble, and the poor form of Harmison to begin with, was disasterous. However all this negativity is wrong, England has some good players coming through, Collingwood and marvellous Monty Panesar are already huge stars. A Warne and McGrath free Australia in 2009 should already be lifting our confidence.

If there has to be a Wicker-Man style sacrificial casualty, make sure Sajid Mahmood never wears an England Shirt again, not even the Barmy Army would complain about that.

The thought of Vaughan,Hoggard, Strauss,Flintoff,Collingwood, and Monty, being joined by Harmison in 2005 mode has me excited for the summer. These guys against The Windies and India should be brilliant. England should forget about all this one day mickey mouse stuff, which we have never really been good at and focus on Test Cricket only. Yes! that includes the World Cup. World Cup's are for football and nothing else (apologies to Johnny Wilkinson of course!).

We have a wonderful chance this summer, to rebuild our confidence, and it should be as always, great nailbiting fun to watch. Kevin Pietersen, smacking sixes against India all over Lords?. I cannot wait. I can almost taste the Pimms.

Turkey anybody?

As we are soon to be inundated with festive end of year polls. I thought I would get the ball rolling and give my nomination for the turkey of the year.

Congratulations go to the leader of the Conservative Party, David Cameron for an admirable performance this year as a first class twit.

Cameron may not be the traditional mr nasty, Tories have elected in the past, but this eternal public schoolboy is so clueless, vacuous and policy lite, that he makes that frail pensioner Ming Campbell seem a more credible leader of the opposition.

Whether it's him, plugging his family values, rambling on about the environment or making inane attacks on the government, I can never get to the off button quick enough. It's his blatant attempts at always being on the news when he has nothing of interest to say, or contribute that really irks - He could run a masterclass in bluster. Who gives a monkey for his views on music, fashion and popular culture, when he cannot say what tax policy his party will introduce, if ever, God help us all, he is elected.

The Conservatives had a chance to elect a politically astute, sensible and likeable figure in Ken Clarke. However, they chose to try and copy Labour's brilliant Tony Blair. Instead of Blair mk II, they have a bad cover version. He is the Rolling Clones, to Blair's The Rolling Stones.

This turkey's sole achievement this year is to make Gordon Brown, a near certainty to win the 2009 General Election. Well done David, keep it up.

A Tight Squeeze To Get In

I have a similar relationship with Swindon, as John Betjeman had with Slough, largely because its such a cultural backwater. Just occasionally, there is a small beacon of hope that helps one to forget the sprawling mix of not very good clubs, chain pubs and fast food outlets that passes for Swindon's night-life. We have a great new music venue, The 12 Bar in the rodbourne area of town, that is as good as any city venue, and it has it's own individual charm.

Last night, one of my musical heroes, Glenn Tilbrook, the former lead singer of Squeeze played a sold out acoustic show at the venue. Although it was a tight squeeze to fit into the venue with over 200 people, It was certainly the best gig I have seen in the town. Although, Sleeper at the Oasis Leisure Centre in 1997 was also memorable.

Tilbrook (pictured above) still charismatic in his late forties, played a two hour set that included tons of Squeeze classics, some good cover versions and some of his newer solo offerings. Tilbrook is a genius at working the audience, he really gets them singing the hits, by some hilarious coaxing. People going past the pub, must have been amazed at the sound of 200 people belting out "Goodbye Girl" "Black Coffee In Bed" and "Up the Junction" along with Glenn as he masterfully played the guitar. The song "Hourglass" also amused me, because decades on, I still know all the words of Chris Difford's wonderful bit of nonsense.

Other gems in the evening, included a breathtaking cover of Jimi Hendrix's Voodoo Chile, with Glenn making his acoustic guitar sound as good as an electric one. We were also treated to one of Squeeze's best records, the marvellously jaunty Piccadilly. I can never stop humming that one, whilst walking through the capital. Glenn was also quite happy to take requests from the audience, and seemed to revel in the humourous banter which you always get at his gigs. The highlight for me, was a rendition of "Some Fantastic Place" from the album of the same name, a quite beautiful song which never fails to move me.

It is a disgrace that musical rubbish like James Blunt is passed off a great singer-songwriter, whilst Tilbrook is largely ignored by the masses. In my view, Glenn and Chris Difford are second only to Ray Davies as England's greatest song-writers.

The bombs that Betjeman recommended for Slough, can be temporarily saved from falling on Swindon, providing we continue to get gigs of this quality in the town.

Casino Triumph

Brilliant, Brilliant, Brilliant and can I just add a final Brilliant.
As you know, I am a huge Bond fan and have been awaiting this movie for over a year. You may remember that I addressed the furore over Daniel Craig being cast in the role earlier. I thought he was a good choice, but nothing prepared me for just how damned good, Casino Royale is. It has replaced On Her Majesty's Secret Service as my favourite Bond film, and it is easily the best movie of the year, full stop.

Casino Royale is based on Ian Fleming's original novel, but with a post 9/11 terrorism theme, blended in like a well shaken Vodka Martini. After Bond stops a terrorist attack on a superplane, he is reluctantly sent by M to Casino Royale in Montenegro. His mission to stop terrorist fundraiser Le Chiffre from raising more funds on the poker table. What follows is an incredibly tense thriller with Bond having to win the game, otherwise the British government will be directly funding terrorism. Never has a game of poker been so tense...

What makes this very interesting, is that the Bond film-makers have wound the clock back, and this adventure is Bond's 1st, like the original book. Although set in the present day, 007 has only just made his first two kills, to gain his 00 status and is seen as reckless by M. Bond is only put on the mission because his card playing skills are the best in M15. Gone are the gadgets, Q and Moneypenny. This film is about James Bond, the man, the spy and how he begins his career.

Daniel Craig is nothing short of sensational in the role, he brings a vulnerability to the role, when he falls for the treasury girl, Vesper Lynd sent to keep an eye on him by M. None of the previous actors could have portrayed this as well. However, its the violent intensity that Craig brings to the killing/action side of the role that is startling, you actually believe he is the hired killer of Fleming's world. The opening black and white sequence when Bond kills his first victim in a nasty looking public toilet is out of place in a 12A certificate movie but quite superb. There is also a terrific punch up on a staircase which made the audience gasp due to its violence and technical skill. Craig also handles the one-liners with ease, although there are not as many.

Mads Mikkelson who is an impressive Danish Actor (check out the Pusher Trilogy) oozes evil as Le Chiffre. The scene when he tortures Bond is one of the screen's nastiest torture scenes since Marathon Man. Although graphically violent, it was in the original novel, so well done Director Martin Campbell for including it.

The only criticism I have of the film, is it's certificate. I love a violent action film as much as anybody, but this is wrongly certified for financial reasons. Eon now insist on a bond film being a 12A for maximum audience revenue. A man having his testicles flogged with a piece of rope until he is near death, is not suitable for young children, is it? It is a clear certificate 15, like Licence To Kill.

The girls are all stunning, Caterina Murino as Solange has to be one of the worlds most beautiful women.

Eva Green is wonderful as Vesper Lynd, the film's main Bond girl. A strong character for once, and she is vital to the plot, Bond actually falls in love with her. There is an amusing spiky-ness, and then a believable tenderness to her scenes with Craig, which bring to mind, the similar relationship in On Her Majesty's Secret Service.

The action sequences are all breath-taking, the scene when Bond chases a villian through a building site, free jumping all over Cranes, pipes and debris, will surely go down as one of the best ever filmed. The shoot-out in a crumbling venice building is also jaw-dropping.

I hope Craig stays in the role, for a very long time because he has made the role his own. This is quite something, considering the stick he has had to endure. Craig also had the legacy of other great Bonds to compete with such as Connery and Brosnan, but incredibly his Bond outclasses them in just one film.

A Masterpiece, then. Not something you could expect to say over something so populist as a Bond film.

Golden Graham

The best album of 2006 for me has been Graham Coxon's outstanding Love Travels at Illegal Speeds. Belle & Sebastian's The Life Pursuit and Gypsy Punks by Gogol Bordello were also pretty damned good as well. Apart from these shining beacons of great music, it has been a pretty lean year musically with nothing much to get excited about in terms of ear-candy. Those pesky Artic Monkies offered brief hope, but apart from the mighty last track on the album, A Certain Romance, I would judge it as an disapointment. Far too chav for my taste.

I got a chance to appreciate the album of the year, some more when Graham Coxon played the wonderful London Astoria venue on October 25th.

After a storming support slot from Switches (mark my words, these guys are going to be massive) I made my way down to the front with a trusty strongbow to join the "kids". The former Blur guitarist then came on with his newly created band "Burnt to Bitz", to the sound of a thunderous piece of classical music.

Coxon began with his customary starter "Escape Song" and played an amazing nearly 2 hour set with material from all six of his solo albums. We were treated to such musical treats as Bittersweet Bundle Of Misery and the superb Freakin' Out which saw absolute carnage in the mosh pit. Everybody also enjoyed People Of The Earth, when Graham vents spleen on those who read the Daily Mail and The Sun. By his own admission, Coxon is an unusually shy frontman, but it does not matter, because he is so goddamn good with that guitar. However, even his showmanship has got better, giving some mighty scissor jump kicks and falling around the stage like his old mucker, Albarn in their britpop heyday.

The highlight of the gig was a rendition of "I can't look at your skin-because its doing me in". If this is not the finest song from a male viewpoint, on the subject of unrequited love, then I don't know what is. The tune is like The Jam at their best.

Coxon finished with some of his older noisey crowd fave's including the seminal "Who The F**k" which left me in dire need of some more liquid refreshment. Thank heavens for the sensible licensing laws now in place, that you can now get a drink after the gig is over.

A brilliant gig, and what was an added bonus, I have enjoyed it about four times since, because a Double CD was pressed of it, and sold on the night, ten minutes after the finish. A wonder of the modern age and mint quality as well.

Alex James is apparently trying to talk Coxon into reuniting with his Blur pals for one final Blur album. Although this would be great because I am a big Blur fan, I would be surprised if Graham could come up with anything as good as his last two solo albums. Who would have thought that twelve years on from Parklife, it is Graham Coxon, who has emerged as such an impressive solo talent.

Arise Sir Geoff ?

Congratulations to Geoffrey Boycott who celebrates his 66th birthday today. It is a shame that the English Cricket team did not pay fitting tribute and beat the Aussies in Jaipur today. Instead, they went out of the Champions Trophy. Oh well lads, put this mickey mouse tournament out of your heads because the Ashes are looming....

Anyway back to Boycott, it is high time that this legend of the game was given proper reward and given a Knighthood. He has never received any award for an amazing career which saw him make 151 centuries and 238 fifities.

He has been a controversial figure on and off the field, but I have never believed the accusation of assault that Margaret Moore made against him. Geoffrey Boycott said he would never hit a woman, and many of his worst enemies in the cricketing world agreed with him. Anybody can injure their own body to make a little cash, and temporarily destroy someone's career in the process. The accusations of him being selfish are also irrelevent, you have to be, if you want to be a first class batsman. End of story.

After his retirement, Boycott has battled hellish cancer, and become a superb outspoken commentator. You might not always agree with what he is saying, but his genuine love of the game really shows through in his commentary - remember his outburst when The Umpires stopped day 4 of the final 2005 Ashes test for bad light. He was livid, despite being English.

Also, who can forget his criticism of Kevin Pieterson as a showpony, KP then responded in the deciding Ashes test by hitting brilliant form, and producing an Ashes winning innings. Cricket needs characters like Boycott who are not afraid to cause controversy and speak out. Boycott's banter with the other Channel Four commentators was a joy to watch in Summer 2005. His love/hate relationship with Tony Grieg was classic comedy.

Finally, like him or loathe him, Boycott was the first England player ever to pass 8000 runs, and for this historical fact alone, its high time, he had his appointment with The Queen.

Phantom Flan Flinger in Teaching Shocker!

It has been reported today that the Phantom Flan Flinger has been found teaching at a school in the United Kingdom. The devout follower of the Tiswas faith cited that moves to sack him were "Anti Tiswas" and that if neccesary, he would retaliate with "custard pies".

Now to be serious for a moment, I would consider myself as one of the most unracist and most tolerant people you could meet. I have even gone on anti-racist marches (with the added incentive of seeing The Levellers for free). Being an enthuiastic Labour supporter, I greatly applaud the way Britain is a free society, free to follow whatever religion one chooses or does not. Personally, I worship at the church of Wetherspoons, but I do not force this down people's throats, accept at the weekend.

Across the board religious freedom, however, cannot be extended to include wearing a full Burka veil in the classroom, this is just common sense. When someone is teaching youngsters, facial expressions to get the message across are vitally important. If this was a Muslim only school, perhaps it would be a different matter, but this incident is taking place in a multi faith school. The teaching assistant should not be seeking to illustrate her religion when teaching the cirriculum, to be blunt, her religious conviction could get in the way of what she is supposed to be teaching. What has maths to do with God? when it's obviously to do with Satan ! .

I also do not accept her solution, that she could take off the veil when teaching female students, but keep it on when male students are around. Should a tolerant modern society, ever pander to such sexist claptrap. Of course we should not.

As a compromise, she should of course be free to wear whatever she wants to and from the school. Mind you, this too could cause controversy, and set a bad example, in light of the fact that schools are so very keen on expelling children for hair-cuts,short skirts and girls wearing trousers in winter.

Labour MP Phil Woolas is wholly right to call for her dismissal. This is not about Islam, it is about respect for the children, the woman is supposed to be teaching, and being professional in the workplace. There would be a national outcry if the Flan Flinger was caught teaching, so I am afraid that whether it's a question of religious faith or not, the same rules must apply to the unfortunate Asiah Azmi.

Thank you Tony

Without a shadow of a doubt, Tony Blair's speech to The Labour conference today, was one of the greatest speeches in political history. After a hellish summer for the party, including the recent attempted coup, you could virtually hear the collective sigh of relief as the great man said exactly what needed to be said, steering his party to the fight they should be fighting, The Tories and David Cameron. The Prime Minister did this, with such conviction, eloquence and style that the sheer of craziness of Blair going at anytime is plain to see.

However, due to the actions of a selfish minority within the party, the rabble who seized on Tony's one mistake of announcing he would not fight the next election, he is going. Labour will have a new leader in place before conference next year. One thing is clear today, this new leader will have no option other than to follow Tony's advice, and stick strictly to the New Labour path including Blair's courageous and morally right, war on terror. The new leader will also have to commit to the controversial reforms in health and education as well. To abandon this project now, would be to hand power to Cameron's Tories and this would be a disaster for our country. As Tony said today, Labour has to get after the Tories. Cameron is the enemy, a artful one at that, but a policy-lightweight. This hoodie hugging con-artist must be exposed, and exposed quickly as I have said before.

This whole period of political skullduggery and backstabbing must now be consigned to the past. The public must be allowed to see that the Government is now working again, and not looking inward, prepairing to self-destruct. Never again, must Labour allow such crazy paralysis, espaecially after such prolonged success politically, three election wins one after the other. Tony Blair must remain in power until May 2007, followed by a very brief leadership election. I despise the Tories with a passion, but their leadership conference should be the sensible model we try and copy.

If Gordon Brown and his supporters allow Tony Blair to finish his premiership in this way, and do not try another disgraceful coup, I could still conceivably vote for Brown as Labour leader. His speech yesterday showed that he has a formidable talent and the required energy to do the job. As I have mentioned before, up to the coup, I would have voted for him automatically out of loyalty and respect for his brilliant chancellorship over the last nine years. Sadly, I now have serious misgivings.

The picture of the smiling Chancellor during the recent crisis will be etched in many a supporter's mind for a long time. Brown has to re-earn our trust, his renewel along with our parties. People like me, proud to be Blairites, could back another candidate, the loyal excellent home secretary, John Reid is already looking like a strong and significant alternative. But who knows...

Whoever becomes Labour leader, will have a supremely tough act to follow. Tony Blair's speech today, outrageously risque Cherie joke included, showed what political intelligence Blair has. The moving end to his speech had me in tears, it has to be said.

Despite his rousing 7 and a half minute ovation, I still do not think Labour grasps what a truly decent man he is. Sadly, I think the party will, once he has gone from power and it is too late to beg him to stay on.

For me, and the masses who joined the Labour Party in the nineties, Tony Blair will simply be remembered as our greatest asset, the saviour of our country, and the defining political hero of the modern age.